An office memo

Dear Co-Workers:

Did you know that more people actually come to work sick than call in sick?

My request: If you are sick, and feel that you might infect the whole office with your contagious germs, than stay home. That is why sick leave was created. Don't come into work with a 104+ degree fever, terrible cough (didn't your mom teach you to cover your mouth when you cough?), severe sore throat to the point where you can't swallow, eyes burning to the point they are red bumpy looking and swollen, severe chills, sneezing to the point that you can't control where the sneeze lands, doubling over from your stomach pain and have the inability to wash your hands after you use the restroom or snot everywhere. We don't want you here. You aren't even being productive because of your ailments. Stay home, relax, put your feet up and watch "I Love Lucy" reruns all day, or sleep all day, or... I don't care really what you choose to do, just DON'T come in to work. It's rude! You're spreading your germs around the office, and possibly infecting others. We don't want your germs. Coming in to work sick isn't something you should be proud of, so don't boast about it in the hallways. If you feel the need to come into work when you are deathly ill, please bring a 19oz bottle of Lysol Disinfectant Spray with you. When you touch anything that isn't your desk or in your area, spray the Lysol, even on papers. Don't forget the toliet seat, toliet handle, doorknob, sink, fax machine, copier, printer...basically any common areas. We don't want your germs, sicko!