UGH!

A couple weeks ago I was talking to one of my co-workers and she mentioned the age difference between her three children, and how it worked for her. I looked at her and said I thought you had two, does the other one live out of the state? She looked at me and said, no she died of leukemia when she was nine. Oh! I immediately apologized. I had absolutely no idea. She went into the whole story of when they found out, the six years of treatment, what it was like watching her daughter die and how long it took for her family to be “okay” again. I just stood there, feeling so terrible that I had made her talk about this. When she was done with her story, I gave her a hug and apologized again. She said it wasn’t my fault, how could I have known, after all she doesn’t ever talk about it. She said she knows she will never, ever have to do anything that hard again, so she’s okay with talking about it sometimes. But, oh, why oh why, did I have to inquire about her third child?!

Today, the same co-worker asked me what I am doing for lunch. I told her going to the refrigerator, indicating that I had brought my lunch. I told her that my husband has given up fast food for Lent and I am being supportive by not having any either. She laughs and says, I’ve given up men for Lent! I laugh along with her, and say, what about your husband? She looks at me and says don’t you know. Oh, my gosh .. what have I stumbled on now? Ugh. She tells me that her husband left her last year on Good Friday. She couldn’t believe that I hadn’t known that because she was absolutely certain that everyone at work had talked about it a time or two when she wasn’t there. I told her that I don’t listen or partake in office gossip, and that when someone’s name who isn’t present gets brought up in conversation, I leave because I want no part of it. She told me that her and her husband had gone on a very nice vacation the week before and had a great time and really connected, but then on Good Friday, he up and left her with really no explanation. She said she was in shock for six months, and that around Christmas it really started to sink in, especially with the finalization of their divorce. I once again apologized for inadvertently sticking my nose in her personal business. I had no idea she was divorced from her husband, I thought he was just being a jerk or something. But, again, why did I have to inquire?!

I have vowed that the next time she says something that I don’t understand, I will just nod along and not ask questions, or have a comment. I really hate it when I do this. I feel just so very terrible. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. I am not one to pry into other people’s personal lives, especially not at work. I’ve always considered myself friendly and a people person. I love to hear other people’s stories, to interact with them and even from time to time learn something from what they tell me. But, my intention is to never make them share difficult personal stories, or stories that they wouldn’t necessarily share with me until I stick my foot in my mouth by asking a question. Neither time was my co-worker upset with me, but I was upset with myself. I hope I have learned my lesson and the next time a situation like this comes up, I will remember this story, and not stick my foot in my mouth. But, we’re all human, right?!